Weight: XXL
Dress Size:XXL
Weight Loss: Please...XXL
Dooms Day: To soon to see in numbers
I'll make this one brief.
I have fallen of the wagon...hard. Rephrase that- the wagon has broken under my weight. I am a blubber heap slipping down the mountain and landing in a pool of...well blubber.
You may have guessed considering my month long absence. I have been ashamed about my fall from grace...
Then the whole reason for doing this flashed before me. I have been linked...
A friend of mine from uni has a blog that he is good enough to update frequently. On this blog he linked this blog...if this all makes sense then you will understand why I have decided to go again.
Still hate the thought of it. I want to eat chocolate, crisps, drink beer and all. I want to sit on my deriere all day and continue watching Cougar Town and other such treats. But hey-ho.
New incentives and all that.
So tomorrow will be the latest update after gym and no doubt therapy...
Lets start this mountain again shall we.
Monday, 5 April 2010
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Step 4...
Weight:89.4kg
Dress Size:18
Weight loss: 5.06kg
Doom Day: 712
I'm an idiot. I know thats not the best start but I am. I'm going to give you a break down of my week so that we can all reach the same conclusion.
This week I have been so well behaved that a treat is Salmon flakes-honestly. I have gymed it twice resulting in a dodgy calf muscle, arms that can barely be lifted and a back that doesn't want to bend conventionally (I am mastering the side bend pick-up). I met up with Lady L for a mid week catch up and avoided booze, cigarettes and crisps - a huge achievement for us. I'm hungry most of the time and have day dreams about burgers. So, as I said, I have been well behaved.
The past 12 hours are really when the stupidity came to light. Today was a snow day.
Now I genuinely love my job, but I think that when you take on the task of being a teacher you un-knowingly resort to teenage behaviour (remember the 'whateva' comment). So a snow day is like somebody giving me a limitless supply of chocolate and confirming that this will help me lose weight. You walk around town looking at the harassed workers, grinning at your own triumph. Its bloody brilliant (have i over emphasised this point?)
So, snow day. I couldn't get back to sleep so decided to take advantage of plenty time and an empty gym. So I got everything together and off I went.
I have begun to notice a little gym ritual starting to occur.
It also happened to be old lady day. I looked around and completed ritual 3. Too many old ladies so should dress in cubicle. Ruining someones day is not as bad as potentially giving someone a heart attack from the shock. I get myself all sorted and open the curtain. In front of my were 2 ladies (70+) completely naked. They both decided to have a naked lady discussion with their hands on their hips. I have never been so uncomfortable in all my life.
They even said hello...
So, I go up to the machine floor and do the water bottle ritual and the warm-up ritual (for some reason I decided that today I needed to put my leg up in the bar and stretch...don't ask me why).
For those of you who know me the following will come as no surprise.
I always want to go to the gym at this time. I'm skinny in this crowd. I run harder and faster in this crowd. I show off in this crowd. To be fair they do look like an advert for 'fat camp', but I felt great. I momentarily thought about changing my blog to 'average weight mountain'.
So I do the work out. 20 minutes on treadmill (14 running), 10 minutes on cross trainer (ouch) and finally a pathetic 5 minutes on the bike (I was literally dying). I am feeling so proud of myself and walk down to get changed and leave.
The most important ritual is weight before, weight after. Don't ask why but its another incentive. This is when I become an idiot. I start the workout on 14 stone 4. I jump on at the end and see 14 stone 8. I was ready to smash the place up (I'm not sure if I can pull off saying that but I'll try). I couldn't believe that I had been living on the diet of a budgie for weeks and had GAINED weight. I tried again...
14 stone 08.
What this tiny error has taught me is that I actually do care about this. I don't just want it to be a silly one time thing. I want to slowly and progressively lose weight. I just need to learn how to read the scales properly.
Feeling happy at the loss. It's small steps, but small steps in the right direction.
All i need now is a doughnut....
Another small step up blubber mountain.
Dress Size:18
Weight loss: 5.06kg
Doom Day: 712
I'm an idiot. I know thats not the best start but I am. I'm going to give you a break down of my week so that we can all reach the same conclusion.
This week I have been so well behaved that a treat is Salmon flakes-honestly. I have gymed it twice resulting in a dodgy calf muscle, arms that can barely be lifted and a back that doesn't want to bend conventionally (I am mastering the side bend pick-up). I met up with Lady L for a mid week catch up and avoided booze, cigarettes and crisps - a huge achievement for us. I'm hungry most of the time and have day dreams about burgers. So, as I said, I have been well behaved.
The past 12 hours are really when the stupidity came to light. Today was a snow day.
Now I genuinely love my job, but I think that when you take on the task of being a teacher you un-knowingly resort to teenage behaviour (remember the 'whateva' comment). So a snow day is like somebody giving me a limitless supply of chocolate and confirming that this will help me lose weight. You walk around town looking at the harassed workers, grinning at your own triumph. Its bloody brilliant (have i over emphasised this point?)
So, snow day. I couldn't get back to sleep so decided to take advantage of plenty time and an empty gym. So I got everything together and off I went.
I have begun to notice a little gym ritual starting to occur.
- Always go with an empty bottle of water. When your filling it at the fountain you can scan for empty machines.
- NEVER use locker 170. It doesn't have a hanger and you never lose weight when your in 170. Always use 169.
- If there is no-one about you can get dressed out of a cubicle. If there are people about in the cubicle. Don't want to put them off the rest of their day by exposing blubber body.
- Spend at least 5 minutes on the warm-up mats pretending you know what the correct stretches are for the work out (this could explain the aching limbs).
It also happened to be old lady day. I looked around and completed ritual 3. Too many old ladies so should dress in cubicle. Ruining someones day is not as bad as potentially giving someone a heart attack from the shock. I get myself all sorted and open the curtain. In front of my were 2 ladies (70+) completely naked. They both decided to have a naked lady discussion with their hands on their hips. I have never been so uncomfortable in all my life.
They even said hello...
So, I go up to the machine floor and do the water bottle ritual and the warm-up ritual (for some reason I decided that today I needed to put my leg up in the bar and stretch...don't ask me why).
For those of you who know me the following will come as no surprise.
I always want to go to the gym at this time. I'm skinny in this crowd. I run harder and faster in this crowd. I show off in this crowd. To be fair they do look like an advert for 'fat camp', but I felt great. I momentarily thought about changing my blog to 'average weight mountain'.
So I do the work out. 20 minutes on treadmill (14 running), 10 minutes on cross trainer (ouch) and finally a pathetic 5 minutes on the bike (I was literally dying). I am feeling so proud of myself and walk down to get changed and leave.
The most important ritual is weight before, weight after. Don't ask why but its another incentive. This is when I become an idiot. I start the workout on 14 stone 4. I jump on at the end and see 14 stone 8. I was ready to smash the place up (I'm not sure if I can pull off saying that but I'll try). I couldn't believe that I had been living on the diet of a budgie for weeks and had GAINED weight. I tried again...
14 stone 08.
What this tiny error has taught me is that I actually do care about this. I don't just want it to be a silly one time thing. I want to slowly and progressively lose weight. I just need to learn how to read the scales properly.
Feeling happy at the loss. It's small steps, but small steps in the right direction.
All i need now is a doughnut....
Another small step up blubber mountain.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Step 3...
Weight:92kg
Waist/hip ratio: 0.78
B.M.I: 33 (obese)
Dress Size:18
Weight loss: 2kg
Doom Day: 719
Health MOT day today. It hurt...bad. It began with an aggressive gaze and led to a sympathetic one. He also reminded me that he was always there to talk to. Like the results would tip me over the edge. Felt like saying 'I'm fat...you're probably talking to the happiest person in the room because I eat what I want!'
Anyway, I'm jumping ahead. My single gym visit resulted in nausea and ear-ache, proving my theory that the gym can make you ill. So it might have been the fact that Steve had a cold and I picked up another version of it but its great to be able to find an excuse already to avoid the gym.
Anyway, after an almost 'behaving well' week I went to the MOT. The first thing that he checked was my weight. Now I'm quite chuffed at the fact that in 10 days i have lost over 2kg. Yes, I have been ill and barely able to eat, but i will take weight loss wherever it comes.
We progressed then onto height leading to my BMI. First frown and finger point.
Can i just remind you all that as a teacher myself i have perfected the 'I am disappointed in you' finger and frown combination. I felt my first red face come on. He looked away pleased with this response.
We then went on to resting heart rate...answer:very poor. My finger/frown, more red face. Blood fine, cholesterol fine.
I was relieved when he measured my waist/hip ratio that he didn't have to bring out another tape measure. Result: Very poor, frown/finger, scarlet face.
His parting words consisted of trying to sell me personal training sessions. By the way 'he's always there for a chat if I need it'. (Full circle back to start of blog)
I hated the fact that the whole way through the MOT I couldn't stop thinking about food. I'm thinking its because the more he told me off the more I wanted to escape to temptation heaven.
So the gym programme begins. I have my 5 km in 19 weeks and 3 days and still have the drive to get there. No more faffing..time to start getting my trunk empty.
Another tiny step up the mountain.
Waist/hip ratio: 0.78
B.M.I: 33 (obese)
Dress Size:18
Weight loss: 2kg
Doom Day: 719
Health MOT day today. It hurt...bad. It began with an aggressive gaze and led to a sympathetic one. He also reminded me that he was always there to talk to. Like the results would tip me over the edge. Felt like saying 'I'm fat...you're probably talking to the happiest person in the room because I eat what I want!'
Anyway, I'm jumping ahead. My single gym visit resulted in nausea and ear-ache, proving my theory that the gym can make you ill. So it might have been the fact that Steve had a cold and I picked up another version of it but its great to be able to find an excuse already to avoid the gym.
Anyway, after an almost 'behaving well' week I went to the MOT. The first thing that he checked was my weight. Now I'm quite chuffed at the fact that in 10 days i have lost over 2kg. Yes, I have been ill and barely able to eat, but i will take weight loss wherever it comes.
We progressed then onto height leading to my BMI. First frown and finger point.
Can i just remind you all that as a teacher myself i have perfected the 'I am disappointed in you' finger and frown combination. I felt my first red face come on. He looked away pleased with this response.
We then went on to resting heart rate...answer:very poor. My finger/frown, more red face. Blood fine, cholesterol fine.
I was relieved when he measured my waist/hip ratio that he didn't have to bring out another tape measure. Result: Very poor, frown/finger, scarlet face.
His parting words consisted of trying to sell me personal training sessions. By the way 'he's always there for a chat if I need it'. (Full circle back to start of blog)
I hated the fact that the whole way through the MOT I couldn't stop thinking about food. I'm thinking its because the more he told me off the more I wanted to escape to temptation heaven.
So the gym programme begins. I have my 5 km in 19 weeks and 3 days and still have the drive to get there. No more faffing..time to start getting my trunk empty.
Another tiny step up the mountain.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Blubber Retraction!
I am preparing myself for the full blown follow up after postponed health MOT (due to poor health) but i have a very important spot to clear up.
Mr M needs his name to be cleared. He is not someone that won't marry me because I'm not a size 12. I am a blog novice and did not realise how those words sounded. I'm re-tracting this incentive to save this poor mans name!!
He is always supportive, loving and wants the best for me. He has to live with the daily whining when I tell him how unhappy I am about the way I look and his response always cheers me up. He would never, ever, ever be that shallow.
Enough Gush...I still want chocolate!
Weight update coming soon....
Mr M needs his name to be cleared. He is not someone that won't marry me because I'm not a size 12. I am a blog novice and did not realise how those words sounded. I'm re-tracting this incentive to save this poor mans name!!
He is always supportive, loving and wants the best for me. He has to live with the daily whining when I tell him how unhappy I am about the way I look and his response always cheers me up. He would never, ever, ever be that shallow.
Enough Gush...I still want chocolate!
Weight update coming soon....
Monday, 8 February 2010
Step 2...
Weight: 94.46 kg
Waist: Unknown
Dress Size:18
Weight loss:
Doom Day:729
So today was day 1. Step 2, but day 1. Today was horrendous. It was like karma knew that i was beginning a long journey and decided to remind just how bloody awful it might be.
Pain 1: In the middle of an official observation the fire alarm went off. I forgot my jacket and had to stand outside for 15 minutes.
Pain 2: General hormonal teenagers meeting chocolate biscuit craving teacher (I went for herbal tea instead...yummy.)
Pain 3: Stupid train lady. If you can imagine the most irritating jobs-worth asking for a ticket. When she refused my rail card I immediately imitated the teens that I had spent all day with and said the dreaded word 'whatever'. Which respectable person over the age of 16 says that?
Pain 4: I stomped home to find the gate jammed.
I could go on, but I think in the end I was just trying to find things that could be wrong.
Then I went to the gym. Now...you may think that this was a big step but the reality is it was not the most committed attempt. I did 20 mins on the treadmill (13 minutes running, 7 walking), 5 minutes on the cross trainer and then just gave up. It is such an appalling mentality but I did it none the less. I was tired but not exhausted...I was sweaty, but not dripping. So as a self punishment I weighed myself and then organised a Health MOT.
I can't write this blog without talking about THAT weight. I can't say I'm surprised...but it's still not far off 100.
Needed a new incentive so here is number 5
5) Complete 5 km Race for Life run on 4th July.
[http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/janetchalmers3]
I must run not waddle. Potentially with the grace of BJ.
I have ordered a size 12-14 t-shirt as incentive number 6.
The next time I write I may be an absolute wreck. The Health MOT will be a wake-up call...
One tiny step up the mountain.
Waist: Unknown
Dress Size:18
Weight loss:
Doom Day:729
So today was day 1. Step 2, but day 1. Today was horrendous. It was like karma knew that i was beginning a long journey and decided to remind just how bloody awful it might be.
Pain 1: In the middle of an official observation the fire alarm went off. I forgot my jacket and had to stand outside for 15 minutes.
Pain 2: General hormonal teenagers meeting chocolate biscuit craving teacher (I went for herbal tea instead...yummy.)
Pain 3: Stupid train lady. If you can imagine the most irritating jobs-worth asking for a ticket. When she refused my rail card I immediately imitated the teens that I had spent all day with and said the dreaded word 'whatever'. Which respectable person over the age of 16 says that?
Pain 4: I stomped home to find the gate jammed.
I could go on, but I think in the end I was just trying to find things that could be wrong.
Then I went to the gym. Now...you may think that this was a big step but the reality is it was not the most committed attempt. I did 20 mins on the treadmill (13 minutes running, 7 walking), 5 minutes on the cross trainer and then just gave up. It is such an appalling mentality but I did it none the less. I was tired but not exhausted...I was sweaty, but not dripping. So as a self punishment I weighed myself and then organised a Health MOT.
I can't write this blog without talking about THAT weight. I can't say I'm surprised...but it's still not far off 100.
Needed a new incentive so here is number 5
5) Complete 5 km Race for Life run on 4th July.
[http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/janetchalmers3]
I must run not waddle. Potentially with the grace of BJ.
I have ordered a size 12-14 t-shirt as incentive number 6.
The next time I write I may be an absolute wreck. The Health MOT will be a wake-up call...
One tiny step up the mountain.
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Step 1...
Weight: Unknown
Waist size: Unknown
Current Dress Size: 18
Weight Loss:
Doom Day: 730
So here we go.
I have fought for a while now with an ever expanding waist based entirely on the fact that I would ALWAYS rather indulge on chocolate, crisps, bacon and all the other wonders of the food world. However, Mr M has successfully completed his before and after shot so I feel that I am duty bound to do the same.
Let me begin by saying that my motivation for change is minuscule. I love eating, smoking, drinking and spending every available second sat on a sofa watching whatever American show has just been released (currently working my way through Cougar Town). So I figured that if I was really going to have any chance in succeeding with this I would need an incentive.
The more I write the more you will understand. I'm a drama teacher so under that heading I invest time in showing pupils how to be creative. The demonstration is only successful because I have spent the past 24 years doing the same. In my head I imagine my body looks like Penelope Cruz, and then spend the rest of the time convincing myself that this is indeed the case. Call me insane but this has worked...until now. Last night I rolled over onto my side and saw my stomach flop over and take over half the bed.
I might at this point add that I have been known to exaggerate.
I realised then that something was very wrong. When I was at boarding school I was told by Drewdy that everyone should have 1inch of fat on their stomach. I have spent everyday since then changing the metric system to accommodate. I am now assuring you all that 1 inch is in fact 15 cm.
So back to last night...
I looked down and felt a small twang (emphasis on small) of guilt. So using this I am creating my list of incentives to change
Waist size: Unknown
Current Dress Size: 18
Weight Loss:
Doom Day: 730
So here we go.
I have fought for a while now with an ever expanding waist based entirely on the fact that I would ALWAYS rather indulge on chocolate, crisps, bacon and all the other wonders of the food world. However, Mr M has successfully completed his before and after shot so I feel that I am duty bound to do the same.
Let me begin by saying that my motivation for change is minuscule. I love eating, smoking, drinking and spending every available second sat on a sofa watching whatever American show has just been released (currently working my way through Cougar Town). So I figured that if I was really going to have any chance in succeeding with this I would need an incentive.
The more I write the more you will understand. I'm a drama teacher so under that heading I invest time in showing pupils how to be creative. The demonstration is only successful because I have spent the past 24 years doing the same. In my head I imagine my body looks like Penelope Cruz, and then spend the rest of the time convincing myself that this is indeed the case. Call me insane but this has worked...until now. Last night I rolled over onto my side and saw my stomach flop over and take over half the bed.
I might at this point add that I have been known to exaggerate.
I realised then that something was very wrong. When I was at boarding school I was told by Drewdy that everyone should have 1inch of fat on their stomach. I have spent everyday since then changing the metric system to accommodate. I am now assuring you all that 1 inch is in fact 15 cm.
So back to last night...
I looked down and felt a small twang (emphasis on small) of guilt. So using this I am creating my list of incentives to change
- Mr M has informed me that he will propose if I reach a UK size 12. I'm sure that this will be based on Topshop sizes but I'll go with that.
- I have always wanted to be a runner. BJ has always made it look effortless and I want to pull off the same grace.
- I want to raise £1000 for the British Heart Foundation.
So the plan is simple. By February 2012 I will be running a half marathon, raising £1000 for British Heart Foundation, and wearing a shockingly huge diamond from Mr M.
Today is the final day. I plan to smoke, drink, eat and not move from the couch...savouring ever second for what could be the last time.
The reason I'm 'bloggin' all of this is that I need you lot out there to stop my from giving in and being my fourth incentive. I accept kind abuse if it makes me shift my butt away from the mars bar (or double decker dipped in a sugar tea...oh god!) and towards the gym.
On Monday I have a health check up...I'll let you know the damage then.
Blubber Mountain here I come...I think.
Today is the final day. I plan to smoke, drink, eat and not move from the couch...savouring ever second for what could be the last time.
The reason I'm 'bloggin' all of this is that I need you lot out there to stop my from giving in and being my fourth incentive. I accept kind abuse if it makes me shift my butt away from the mars bar (or double decker dipped in a sugar tea...oh god!) and towards the gym.
On Monday I have a health check up...I'll let you know the damage then.
Blubber Mountain here I come...I think.
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